Kooli, Jul 6, 08 1:09 AM

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The world of Norrath was bombarded with the followin' message yesterday:

That's right, folks.  Outta the hundreds of guilds on our server, the Crew of VERMIN now rank themselves as one of the few handful of organizations to attain what is currently the highest possible level a guild may achieve.

Well done to all of yewz.  It was a team effort, and eyez proud to call yewz guildies.  Also another special nod of thanks to Cervanto, Witseyna, and Wyme for motivatin' a full-fledged "call-to-arms" Writ Race to close that status gap to Level 80.

Now everybodies go buy some new status mounts and titles and whatnot.

/salute

Kooli, Jun 11, 08 8:13 AM

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It's a sad, sad day in the world of Norrathian Gangsta Rap.

The Hip-Hop industry that was once favored predominantly by the strange Froglok race, which involved tribal beats and...well...hopping around...was forever changed in recent years when the Halflings of Rivervale were invaded by otherworldly beings.  The happy, pudgy, pie-eating midget people were passionate lovers of riddles and poetry.

But havin' their homes burned, their cattle mutilated, and their people massacred made them feel less happy.  They took their interest in rhyme and begin to twist it into something full of despair, hate, killing, and woe.  In a mezmerizing sing-song voice, they began to spit-out lyrics that described their horrible situation and the revenge they would wreak by ganging-up together to run really really fast past their oppressors while throwing pies.

And thus the origins of what we know today as "Drive-By's" and the art form known as "Gangsta Rap".

It's not surprising then that it was the spreading of this new type of music that directly resulted in the violent spiritual dark energies that aligned the Plane of Hate with our own world, thereby resulting in access to the Shard of Hate!

It was thus that Norrath was introduced to the greatest Rapper of our time -- Pimpin' Undead Master P.  Followed by a posse of imps, zombies, and skeletons wherever he went, Master P never did anythin' half-way.  He was the first to coin the term "flerb" (As in "flerb that, man -- that's flerbin' flerb").  Many critics believe the word was made-up because he couldn't think of anything that rhymed with "Herb" (his legal birth name), and that pissed him off.  But regardless of how one felt about the man...er...vampire, one thing is certain:  He forever changed the way that Norrath listened to Rap (Master P insisted that people only hear his "music" while sitting on their hands -- something his mother made him do as a child).

The details are sketchy, and the full weight of Innorruk's domain is being brought to bear on the investigation.  What we do know is that the Pirate Crew known as VERMIN decided to break into Innorruk's summer home crib and have a look around.  They left a trail of booze, mushrooms, potty parchment and cheese which suggests a massive house party.

Before they left, an eyewitness stumbled upon the scene in time to view first-hand the foul miscreants smashing pies on Master P's mangled corpse before running off with a metal chest full of his "Bling".

Please be on the lookout for suspects wearing large, heavy gold necklaces with diamond-studded letter "P"'s hanging from them...or riding mounts with platinum-layered "spinning" hooves -- these should be especially easy to spot since the animals absolutely hate the "spinners"...the gnomish contraptions make it next to impossible to run, walk, or even stand upright for more than 5 seconds.  Many consider them possibly the stoopidest invention ever created.

On a more positive note, fans should be excited to hear that Master P will be releasing another album sometime next year...We do not know how.

Kooli, Jun 7, 08 3:32 AM

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On our last visit to Protector's Realm, we came upon a gigantic Golem at the end of the epic dungeon...his name was Imzok.  As with all people VERMIN crosses paths with, we use an ancient and secret method to determine the best course of action in any situation.

Quite simply, we take the name of the person we've come in contact with, then spell the name backwards.  Then take the reversed letters and flip them upsidedown.  This reveals the special de-coded hidden message of All Things.

So...

IMZOK
KOZMI (backwards)
IWZO[backward K] (flipped upsidedown)

Well, as yewz can imagine, nuthin' coulda pissed us off more!!!  This guy needed to DIE a painful and excruciating DEATH!  After all...what the hell does IWZO[backward K] mean?!?!  It didn't make sense.

And anything that doesn't make sense should be destroyed.

Not only that, but the monster was obviously protecting some rather large stone boxes which were located behind him.  Obviously they were filled with vast amounts of treasure and shinies!

So we ATTACKED usin' a verrrrry complicated and intimidating strategy of combat that involved runnin' away screamin' like girls every 30 seconds.  Eventually we wore him down with our piercing shrieks, and he fell over dead!

Which serves him right since his name doesn't make any sense.

We eagerly approached the stone constructs on the other side of the room, but were disappointed to discover they were for decorative purposes only.

So we pee'd on them.

And then we showed our muscles to make up for all the girly screams from earlier.

Fear Us.

Kooli, Apr 1, 08 9:48 AM

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A new Day has dawned.

Yesterday eyez /petitioned to have our guild name changed.  And today eyez have received a response.  The GM will allow me one name change, and that's it.  And it has to be a name that is approved by the EQ2 filter and that nobodies else has.

Firstly, eyez know that this comes as a purty big surprise to many of yewz...and for that eyez apologize.  Eyez don't mean to blindside anybodies.  But eyez truly and sincerely believe that it's not only necessary...but somethin' that we've been movin' towards for a long time.  For those of yewz with questions and/or concerns, we'll be goin' over the finer details and reasons at our guild meeting later today.  But here's a basic overview of what's goin' on...

We're obviously not a Ratonga-Only guild.  We never have been.  So why are we callin' ourselves VERMIN?  The word is too often associated with rodents, and by givin' the public-at-large the impression that we ARE limited to acceptin' only rodents...well, it hinders our recruitment process and who we attract to our ranks.

Not only that, as much as eyez have struggled to "force" people to be mean and rude and vile -- most of yewz guys just refuse to do it.  Yewz insist on helpin' each other and makin' jokes and bein' friendly.

So for reasons both obvious and practical, eyez just don't think our current name fits anymore.  It just doesn't.  So say goodbye to "VERMIN".  VERMIN is the Past.  VERMIN was the ugly caterpillar.

It's time to become the butterfly we was always meant to be!

Ladies and Gentleman, allow me to introduce yewz to our new identity...our New Destiny:

Whereas VERMIN was about a buncha rodent and rodent-friends pretendin' to be Pirates, sailin' the high seas to steal, plunder, and destroy...We are now an alliance of friends who travel from BELOW the seas to explore fantastic new places!  Much like The Little Mermaid, we leave behind the familiar to experience a whole new world of possibilities and adventure with the help of those closest to us.

We are now the SEAHORSE SQUAD.

And to celebrate our new name and new purpose, here is a preview of our NEW CLOAK!  WOOHOO!  (Thanks to all the officers who pitched-in to raise the 50 plat needed to make the heraldry change).

Thanks to everybodies who made this change possible.  And thanks for makin' this guild great.  The Seahorse Squad will do great things.  Eyez hope yewz guys are as excited as eyez is!!!

Please bear with us as we make all the final changes both in-game and on this website.  Hopefully, over the next week, we can complete the transition and everythin' will reflect our new name change.

See yewz all in Norrath!  And have a splendid and happy Bristlebane Day!


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EDIT UPDATE:  04/03/2008

Heeha, alright BristleBane Day is over.

No, we're not changin' our name to the Seahorse Squad or addin' pink and aquamarine to our heraldry.  So everybodies calm down, heeha.

HOWEVER, we DID make a purty significant change earlier today.  Now behold the New and Improved REAL change to our Guild Cloaks...

Powerful.  Bold.  Strong.  Intimidating.  Sexxxxy and Kick@ss.

Eyez introduce to yewz the updated VERMIN Heraldry (thanks, Oxy, for frontin' the bill):

It's a good day to be a Pirate.

Enjoy.

/salute

Kooli, Mar 26, 08 10:09 AM

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Security forces for all major cities across Norrath are on high alert.  Citizens everywhere are encouraged to stay within the safe confines of their homes until the crisis has passed.

Word on the street is that a VERMIN raidforce decided to prepare for their battle with a huge mechanical snake by covering their bodies with green ooze toxic waste, exposing themselves to gamma rays, and eating small pieces of what appear to be eerily-glowing remnant shards of the Luclin moon.  The transformations that occured to the members of this pirate crew were not pretty.

They became freaks of nature.

The monstrosities then lumbered, flew, slithered, crawled, or pranced towards the Protector's Realm of Sebilis...eating villagers, stealing babies, and humping trees on the way.  When they finally arrived, the strange creatures went on a bloody rampage that involved much carnage, blood-curdling screams, catapulted goblins, and games of frisbee.

The Undead Warlords were quickly torn apart, their dirty bones fashioned into decorative homemade jewelery.

And then Doomcoil was confronted.

It's a well-known fact that all-natural monsters whose origins are based upon some sort of strange mutation have a deep-seated hatred for monsters that are mechanically-based.  After all, monsters made of nuts and bolts aren't REALLY monsters...they're more like robots with bad programming, right?  The historic feud between real monsters versus mechanical monsters goes back a long way...

Suffice it to say, the VERMIN monsters attacked the silly robot monster Doomcoil with relish!  No really -- they brought relish, along with mustard, ketchup, etc.  There was a mighty battle!  Sparks flew and widgets crumbled!

Doomcoil and its fake, un-mutated legacy were finally destroyed.

The REAL monsters ran off to cause further havoc throughout Norrath.

BEWARE.

Kooli, Mar 9, 08 7:32 PM

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Our last venture into Protector's Realm started off completely wrong...then quickly spiraled into the absurd.  Firstly, lemme point out that it is NOT good raider ettiquete to view a raidleader LinkDeath as funnies...or...to make that same raidleader plead and beg to get into his own raid.  It's wrong, it's despicable, and eyez is subtractin' 5,000 DKP from all attendees present at the time.

Once we zoned into the raidzone and dispatched the first Warlord, our MT Dirge -- Sands -- decided that he was hungry.  Bein' the lazy good-fer-nuthin' Ratonga that he is, Sands decided that it was way too much trouble to look in his backpack for grub (or more likely, it was filled with 100 copies of PlayRat instead of rations).  He had alreadies sniffed everybodies else's bags and didn't smell anything he wanted.  So he decided it would be funnies to /petition for his food.

Oh wait...not just any food.  That's right -- cheese.  Our Dirge, Sands, /petitioned the gods for cheese in the middle of our x4 raid.  Thanks yewz, Sands.  Yewz freegin' eediot moron.

So what happens?

Yis, a GM stops us in the middle of our raid...askin' for Sands.

Welp, since there's a GM in the middle of our raidzone...Yewz can't really expect VERMIN to look a gift-sarnak in the mouth, right?  So we begged and threatened and demanded some shinies!

Oh wait.  Stop.  That's riiiiiight.  Not EVERYBODIES was on the same page of music.  Just before the GM was gonna most assuredly shower us with the rarest and most powerful Masters and Fabled Gear in Norrath...a squeaky voice in the back of the room made a most impractical request...

Milk and Cookies.  Rimmy decided that Milk and Cookies would be waaaaaay better than plat or oobah weapons of annihilation or even DKP points (which eyez personally need more of).  It's like that scene in Ghostbusters near the end where our heroic team needed to clear their minds to defeat their foe and prevent the end of all things...only to discover that one of them had inadvertently visualized the Stay-Puft Marshmellow Man.

That's what Rimmy did.

So...the GM called me, the leader, forth to accept our precious treasures on behalf of the raidforce.  Yis, eyez got a full stack of cookies and a full stack of milk.

...hooray...

Thanks yewz, Rimmy.

Thank yewz so much.

The stooopid snack food didn't even provide us with sooper powers.

Well, as yewz can imagine, this didn't sit well with my beloved sweeties, Raynie Sneakytail.  She wanted SHINIES DAMMIT!  She then proceeded to inform GM Hightower that his cookies and milk were nasty...and she only wanted Masters and Cheese!  She did...other things...to express her displeasure as well.

Once it appeared that our raidforce might be vaporized on account of Raynie's actions, Hammy took it upon himself to make things better by claiming that we didn't REALLY know Raynie...she was a plat farmer who purchased the account.

Of course, after a rigorous investigation it was discovered that Hammy was a...LIAR!  They stared each other down...

Words were exchanged...

And we, Hammy's friends and guildmates and allies, basically abandoned him.  "Hamelin?  He's just some guy who was LFG at the door...Hightower, would yewz please take the open spot if we kicked him outta the raidforce?"

Before the GM beamed up to outer space, he agreed to let each of us touch him in a special spot on his body of our choosing!  What happened next was both disgustin' and disturbin'...but it DID give us plenty of opportunity to pickpocket everything he had.

In the end, Sands got his stooopid cheese snack...

The rest of us ended up with dumb cookies and milk...

At least one thing was confirmed by an official representative by SOE...somethin' that eyez think we can all agree is a Truth unto itself.

Thank yewz to everybodies who came.  This memorable event has gone a long way to convincing me to never, ever lead another VERMIN raid again.

/salute

Kooli, Mar 6, 08 11:43 AM

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Yesterday the VERMIN Pirate Crew gathered together at Verminhall to discuss business matters and promote those found worthy of the Purple Skull.

For some strange reason, the meeting never made it past the bar.  Apparently guildies were too drunk to actually find their way to the meeting room...

So Bandit Lord Araxes droned on and on and on and on...about...nobodies really remembers.  But a coupla Shinie-Stealers were promoted, and we touched on a few of the upcomin' events.  Also several people were recognized for their efforts from the past month!

None of this mattered to Dumas the Monkey though -- he rudely snored through the entire proceeding.

On top of that, our resident Bouncer, Hammy the Bruiser, sulked in the official Meeting Room...alone...and adamant that meetings should ONLY occur in the meeting room.  Unfortunately, Bruisers do not seem to have the same discipline and control of a Monk -- cuz try as he might, Hammy could not hold in that which must come out.  Furious out how things turned out, Hammy is now petitioning to have the entire meeting, promotions, and recognitions scrapped until they can be conducted in the appropriate location.

What happened next will go down in VERMIN History as one of the most horrific and traumatizing events ever.  Even now, several guildies are being treated by the healers of the North Freeport Temple for the severe mental damage (some are babbling eediots, others just keep screaming, whereas a few have even fallen into a deep wide-eyed coma).

Viska the singing Troll streaked nekked in front of the Crew.

Yis, she flaunted her flappies and jiggled her whammies.  She stretched out her goo-ga's and gyrated her flim-flam.  And then she ran out the door.

We do not know why.  We only know that her actions and behavior have affected this Crew inna unforgiveable manner.  There is no excuse for such unacceptable and shocking...shocking...*gag*...*gag*...*VOMIT!*

Excuse me.  Sorries.

Suffice it to say, there are no images to display since the Freeport Militia immediately stormed the building and seized all materials and evidence related to this horrendous crime.

After the meeting, we followed up with our Traditional Walk-The-Plank ceremony for newly promoted recruits.  Degrasi was wearing Plate Armor, so he made a very shiney and impressive spectacle as he plummeted downward!

Then he hit the ground.  He will be missed.

Faidark also jumped off the Plank.  But the poor little Ratonga was accidentally cremated when he landed in a nearby Flaming Freeport road brazier.  We paid our respects, then looted their bodies.

Although she wanted to attend, Nally was prevented by the gods from comin'.  She was held in a state of limbo, inna alternate dimension high in the clouds overlookin' Jarsath Wastes.  Eventually her soul was released, but too late to make the Plank Run.  But she was promoted as well.

For those of yewz who would like to get to know our newest Spies and Pirate a little better...Here's a Profile Snapshot of all three newly-promoted CrewMembers:



Name:  Faidark
Class:  Wizard
Rank:  Spy
Level:  68

Where he came from...
"My family is dead now, and I was raised by the elves in Qeynos.  I was sent to Qeynos to become like them.  They would never think I was a spy...which makes the best spy there can be.  One that is born among them."

Why he joined a Pirate Crew...
"In my heart, I will always be VERMIN.  The evil in me has always been there.  I wants to come home now...be amongs my brothers..."

Why he became a Wizard...
"The wizards hold the most Power!  Power to take, steal, destroy, and protect my fellow VERMIN."

Goals and Aspirations...
"I wants to be feared through all the land...I want Power for our guild.  I want people to speak of our Glory...and most of all, I want to be a VERMIN."



Name:  Nally
Class:  Fury
Rank:  Spy
Level:  80

Likes and Dislikes...
"I was born in Willow Wood as a small Wood Elf.  I like treasure and lots of it.  I hate killing animals...(unless they are mean)."

Why she joined a Pirate Crew...
"Treasure, hehe."

Why she became a Fury...
"I like to heal...but I also like being a caster!"

On life as a Spy...
"Well I kinda sneak around a lot...and hide it.  They may want my skin...if they knew..."

On being Remembered...
"I would like to be remembered as a fearless foe.  The little Wood Elf that tried to tank one too many times...And to my Friends, as someone they could count on in a tuff scrap.  And someone that would help non-friends out of their lootz."



Name:  Degrasi
Class:  ShadowKnight
Rank:  Pirate
Level:  80

On his Background...
"I've lived in Freeport for most of my years.  I've no family that anyone has ever met, but it is well-known that I'm the eldest of some 9-odd children and that I won't talk about them.  At all."

On joining a Pirate Crew...
"I'm way too damned independent to stay in the military for long, so I resigned as a general in the Valeria Victrix and joined a group (VERMIN) with looser regulations and more connections."

On becoming a ShadowKnight...
"Can I answer these questions on the forum?"

On not answering my questions...
*sounds of battle and painful screaming!*

On the importance of conducting this interview...
Araxes tells you, "Leave our tank alone!  We're running a @%^$!$#! instance dammit!  Stop distracting him!"

On why won't Degrasi reply to my /tells...
.....................
.....................
.....................

On why eyez hope Araxes dies...
[censored]

Thanks to everybodies who came to the Meeting!  It's the Crew that makes VERMIN strong!

/salute

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